At Crossroads

I haven't had the best luck in finding ways to do what I actually want to do in any professional capacity. I always dreams of working for myself, I grew up during the rise of the influencer so naturally I veered towards that, but eventually I found my true passion in software development and systems design.

Looking back it was so obvious. I was always coming up with little inventions and systems, I would make fake cameras out of toys and setup my own home CCTV system, I would build elaborate forts with pulley systems and design a home post system. It was only a matter of time until I fell in love with computers and technology. You can create entire worlds dictated to the last detail and package it up and send it to your friends. What an incredible thing?!

I only took programming seriously when I was around 21. I did a shift as a security officer at a game studio and was immediately inspired to go and learn how to use Unity, but tutorials don't really work for me, so it wasn't until a year or so later when I had an idea for a custom format 2D matrix code (similar to QR) that I was able to really get my hands dirty. That was around 5 years ago, and since then I have seen an exponential growth in my ability, driven by obsession and constant inspiration. They say to a hammer, every problem is a nail. Well to someone learning programming, every problem can be solved with software, or at least some kind of system design, and there is no shortage of problems.

I'm 27 now, I have a family and responsibilities, but becoming a father is an incredibly humbling and sobering experience. I realised that I had been worrying about all the wrong things all this time, and though that anxiety isn't gone, it is largely overridden by my desire to do right by my son. To enable him to have a good and comfortable life, and to make him proud, so now I sit at a crossroads in my life.

I have an idea for a product, InSite, which I have worked on relentlessly for months now, and the reality of potentially starting a company to sell it is quickly approaching and the closer it gets the more afraid I am. I am very deeply introverted, so playing the role of a salesman is kind of a nightmare to me, but some semblance of financial freedom is a hard thing to turn away from, especially when it's enabled by my pursuing my passion.

Alternatively, there are some people I could possibly work alongside, or build a feasible career with, but then relying on someone else has never much been my bag either.

It's an interesting position to be in, to realise that any path I take will be difficult in its own way and trying to weigh all of that up against what I want for myself and my family is calculus I hadn't anticipated needing to do. I love programming. I love making fun little toys and digital experiences and things I can point to and say "yeah, that was me. I did that," And yet sharing that with the world has always been a bit of a barrier for me.

So here's my solution... This. I try my best to build in public, to update, as informally as I please, on what I've been working on, some ideas I've had, insight into my workflow, and the decisions I'm wrestling with all in the hopes that it maintains itself as a record of my experience, hopefully in a way that can help other people navigate similar journeys. So welcome to my general devlog.

Let's see where this goes!